Insomnia

“The night’s too quiet
Stretched out alone
I need the whip of thunder
and the wind's dark moan”

I’ve stopped sleeping, forgotten how, I think. I try to sleep, turn off the TV, close my eyes, just doesn’t work.

I can quote infomercials and sing jingles like nobody’s business.

I actually get excited when the Snuggie commercial comes on.

One night, I YouTube Snuggie and read blogs about it.

What the hell is wrong with me? Snuggie?

I love how the people in the Snuggie commercial look like members of a satanic cult, with their blood red Snuggies.

I have searched for just about everything on YouTube, it’s the insomniac’s best friend.

Did you know that silver is poised to quadruple in value this year? It’s going to be a better investment than gold. Learned that on YouTube.

When I get bored of YouTube and infomercials, I think about stuff, like what would I do if a drag queen wanted to fight me?

I don’t mean a normal transgendered person, but one of those giant big haired, huge shoed drag queens that lip sync eighties songs and drive through deserts in busses.

I have a few good friends who are transgendered; I would never need to fight them.

I think I should tattoo the back of my right hand to say “Drag queens” and the back of my left hand to say “have balls”. That way, should I ever need to fight one, I will hold my fists out, in ass kick fashion and be reminded that I can still knee a drag queen in the nuts.

I wonder if the Pope has a Snuggie. He could address the world in a Snuggie and I bet nobody would even notice.

I am trained to light a Zippo fifty different ways. Learned how on You Tube.

Question: Why are there blogs about Snuggies? Answer: Because Insomnia is an epidemic.

I picked up some Tylenol PM, but I’m afraid to take it, might not hear the alarm go off in the morning.

I bet it’s really tough being a seven foot tall drag queen in this economy. If people don’t have the money to go see a drag show, how are the drag queens supposed to make a living?

I think that a good way for Obama to gain the trust of the American people would be to address the nation from his living room in a Snuggie. I think I could trust a man with a Snuggie, it shows he values comfort. I love comfort.

Why is it that they never find monsters on Monster quest but they keep making the show? Seriously, find a God damn monster already.

“Me and the moon stayed up all night

I brought the whiskey, he brought the light”